The Excelkai'chi Budokai Tournament
by Pedro
Summary: Lord Ilpalazzo needs an aprentice to spread the time of ACROSS. So he holds a martial arts tournament to see who will be the best person. Will Excel succeed in winning? Please Read and Review.
1. The Anoucenment part 1

The Excelkai'chi Budokai Tournament  
  
"Hail Ilpalazzo" as yelled by Excel and Hyatt in their usual loyalty pose. It is another regular day at ACROSS, for now. "Good Morning ladies, how is your day?" Lord Ilpalazzo asks. Excel yells "How wonderful of you to ask Excel, Ilpalazzo. I'm..." Ilpala interrupts "That's good." Excel ironically falls over. She says "But, Excel wasn't finished talking."  
  
Ipalazzo announces "Everyone today's meeting is and important one." Hyatt asks, "How is it important Lord Ilpalazzo sir?" Ilpalazzo responds, "As you know ACROSS will someday conquer all of the entire planet and as supreme leader of ACROSS I will be ruler, however. Even as commander of ACROSS I will not be around forever by the director's standards." "WHHHHHAAATTTT!!!" Excel yells. "Don't ever think of Ahura's head chewing thoughts Lord Ilpalazzo. You are young and have many aging years ahead of you. There is no blocker that you have to faaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." Excel yells, as she is falls down the pit she goes through almost all the time.  
  
"Now, in order to keep the basis of ACROSS living for all eternity I will need an apprentice, a person that can keep the line of world domination. Now does anyone have any ideas on where and how I can find that person?" Ilpalazzo asks. "Excel, suggestions?" "Umm well, you know how wishbones produces wishing and people produce people and..." While Excel rants Ilpala his rope again and down the pit she goes again.  
  
"Hyatt, do you have any ideas?" Hyatt says, "Well, maybe your apprentice should have very high strength." Ilpalazzo responds, "Ah yes, you mean like a contest?" Hyatt responds with a cough then a yes. "Sounds like a wonderful idea, except for one thing. That would break the most important rule of ACROSS and to not talk about ACROSS." "Well, we don't have tell everyone the winner will be your apprentice and tell them they will get a different prize." Excel says as she climbs out of the pit all wet. "Ah, a brilliant idea for once Excel." Excel is completely stunned. "Uh, what did you say Lord Ilpalazzo?" Ilpala responds. "I said Good Idea." With that news Excel is in complete joy. She is jumping and dancing around.  
  
"We shall hold a martial arts tournament to see who is worthy to be the future leader of ACROSS." Excel immediately stops going crazy as she heard what Lord Ilpalazzo said. She is thinking, "Oh my, this is exciting. If Excel wins this tournament I will prove my loyalty Lord Ilpalazzo. And she will be the future leader of ACROSS." She imagines herself in Ilpalazzo's throne laughing manically like a mad leader. While wearing a bunch of jewels and wearing Ilpala's cape. Excel drools just at the thought of it. She breaks out of daydreaming and yells. "Lord Ilpalazzo, will the agents of ACROSS a.k.a. me and Hyatt be entering this tournament?" Lord Ilpalazzo says "This is an ACROSS tournament, so yes." Excel jumps up in joy so high that she breaks the roof and ends up in the sky. She stops and looks around then looks down and screams. Then she falls down Wil E. Coyote style. She yells, "I guess I just can't escape from falling down!" She crashes back down the ceiling and crashes through the trap door that is over the pit. She yells, "I'll just be a while!"  
  
Hyatt talks to Ilpalazzo, "Lord Ilpalazzo sir, how will we tell everyone about this tournament?" He responds, "Through the only way the infinite masses will learn by." He stands up and grabs a jetpack from behind his throne. Another rope falls down next to the one that opens the pit. Ipala puts on the jetpack and says "See you girls in a couple minutes." He pulls both the ropes. "Ah crap, my life sure sucks." Excel says as she climbs out of the then falls down again. Hyatt falls down a pit of her own. While they both fall I.L. blasts out of headquarters using the jetpack.  
  
(What will happen next? What will the trio do? And when do you want to see the fighting? Find out in chapter 2.) 


	2. The Anoucenment part 2

Where we left off, Excel and Hyatt popped out of the ground after falling down the double pits. "Well, that was a insanely dizzy fall." Excel says when she gets up. "You said it." Hyatt says with a mouth full of blood. They are in front of the broadcasting building for TV TOKYO. (Note, Excel Saga aired on TV TOKYO.) "A TV station?" Excel notes. "Exactly" Illpalazzo says as he is descending from the sky with his jetpack.  
  
He lands next to Excel and Hyatt and says, "We will announce the tournament using the most addictive item the ignorant masses use." Excel does her usual rant "Lord Ilpalazzo is such a genius! With your intelligence the City of F will be soon belong to the ideological organization of ACROSS!" As she stops ranting as Ilpala covers her mouth. Without even turning around he points to a crowd of people staring at them. After she yells she then calms down as she lies to the crowd. "Hey everyone we are just a bunch of cosplayers practicing for a musical about Voltron and Kinniukman who are trying to...." Then oddly enough without even pulling a rope she down the pit. She yells "Where the hell did this come froooooooooooo....." "Hyatt, I will be in the 3rd floor, tell her where I'll be when she gets out." Our favorite overlord says as she ignores Excel's screaming and he walks toward the station.  
  
Meanwhile at the Department of City Security everyone is in a boardroom sitting at a rectangular table. Everyone we know who works at the D.C.S. are their bored. Except Ropponmotsu 1, since she's programmed to pay attention. As for Kabapu and Shioji they are in front of the table next to a display. Kabapu announces, "Welcome to the Department of City Security Bi- Annual board meeting. Shioji, can you take it from here?" He replies "Sure, okay to start, look out!" He throws the first card at Sumiyoshi and he falls over. He screams, or at least makes the word AAAAAHHHHHHHHH from his head. Shioji continues "So far this year we got a lot money by saving back on water, food, bathroom appliances, paper, big tobacco, little tobacco, Puchuu's and electricity." When he finishes the lights go out for at least 6 seconds before coming back on. Shioji continues as he throws another card at Sumiyoshi. But, this time he ducks. He writes "HAH, YOU ALMOST GOT ME THERE."  
  
As Shioji keeps talking Watanabe looks like he's reading The MS-Gogg technical manual. But, in reality he's looking at his porn magazine from episode 3. Matsuya is drawing a stick figure of herself hanging, stabbing, burning, and shooting a stick figure Iwata. Ropponmotsu 2 is hugging a Powerpuff doll. Iwata is watching a portable TV. He then gasps then yells, "Hey look at...." Shioji who for no reason is wearing your basic High School Teacher clothes interrupts him. "Mr. Iwata, do you have something you want to share with the rest of the class?" Iwata then replies "Um, yeah. Look what's on TV!" Everyone except Kabapu runs to behind Iwata to see the TV. Kabapu then says while walking toward the group, "I don't what could more important than...." He then gasps as he sees Lord Ilpalazzo wearing a false nose and moustache on TV TOKYO. He then quietly gasps "Oh My." Iwata replies, "Yeah I know, a cosplayer with a moustache." Matsuya hits Iwata with a huge paper fan. On TV Lord Ilpalazzo begins his announcement. "Greetings City of F, I am Laurence Moustache, leader of CHACROSS." While he says he that phrase we see Excel monitoring the camera and Hyatt holding the cue cards. They are in front of a pile of people, who obviously they had to beat up just to get to the studio.  
  
"I am currently looking for the most strongest martial artist in the city. Reasons classified but the organization of CHACROSS currently need that person." Everyone in the City of F is watching Ilpalazzo's broadcast. Practically everyone the series is watching it. Especially Nabeshin, Pedro, Koshi Rikdo, and That Man. "In order to find the F's martial artist I am holding a martial arts tournament to find him. The tournament will be this Saturday at 12 P.M. The first 48 people who sign up in front of the TV TOKYO station shall enter. The winner will gain the title F's champion and will also get 200 billion yen." The second he says yen, everyone that saw the broadcast then burst out of their homes to get to the station. Even everyone in the D.C.S. except Ropponmatsu 1 and 2 and Kabapu race toward the station. Kabapu and the 2 Ropponmatsu's stand alone in the board room. Kabapu thinks to himself "So, he's holding a tournament to see who the greatest fighter is? I don't why wants that, but it must be no good. Most of my warriors are fighting for obviously the money. But, I shall do for my own needs." Then out loud he says "Ropponmotsu." They both respond. He then says, "I know you 2 still have loyalty to me. But, I want you to enter." Ropponmotsu 1 then says "But why? Sir." He responds, "The secret society I told you about is behind this. As part of the D.C.S. you must protect the city at all costs. Even if it means betrayal to your city." R 1 says "Of course, Sir." R 2 says "Okey Dokkey boss." Both their legs go into their bodies and fly out the building Gamera style. When the smoke clears a soot covered Kabapu then says, "I better enter too. Just in case." He then runs out of the room. Excel and Hyatt are in front of the building sitting in a table with a clipboard. Excel is writing her name into the sign-up sheet.  
  
She then gives it to Hyatt and says "Your turn Hatchan." Instead of writing her name, Hyatt spits a drop of blood on the sign-up sheet. Just Excel and Hyatt hear a noise it is a mob of people running towards them. Excel yells, "Who the hell are they?" Hyatt responds, "Perhaps they are the people who want to enter, senior." Excel then screams, grabs the clipboard and pencil throws it toward the crowd, grabs Hyatt, and then runs away screaming, "Let's get out of here Hatchan!" The people the stop, see the board, then fights over it. Nabeshin is the first one to sign in. Then, Menchi, and then Mad Spot from episode 10. Everyone keeps fighting over the board. Until 43 people sign in.  
  
Who are the contestants? Will Lord Ilpalazzo be stopped by Kabapu? Will Excel win? And what of Iwata's spiky hair? Find out in the first half of the quarterfinals next chapter. Please Review. 


	3. Block A First Quarter Finals

When we last left the ACROSS crew, Lord Ilpalazzo under the name Laurence Mustache announced to the masses his martial arts tournament. Where he would find his apprentice. But, everyone doesn't that. They think that the winner would dirty, filthy rich if they won. The only person who knows is Kabapu. And of course Excel and Hyatt. Now the contestants have been chosen and it's time to see the beginning of the tournament.

We are in a non-domed stadium with billions and billions of people. Ok, billions and thousa... "Can we do this now?! I got a Van-Dike nose job after this!" Oh um sorry. The guy who yelled at me is the weird announcer from episode 11. You know, the midget whose face is supposed to represent a New Year's Day game? Anyway he is one of the announcers along with the Excel Girls. You know, those pop stars who think most people are old.

So how about we get this ready, right guys? "Right!" Everyone even the audience says. So now let's start this tournament with an announcement for Lord Ilpal... I mean Laurence Moustache. "That's something Excel would expect from herself." Shut up, I say as I throw a Gigantor romando at Excel. Laurence is at the middle of the ring, and a microphone that appears from out of nowhere comes down. He speaks into the microphone. "Welcome audience and contestants to the CHACROSS Games." As he is talking, Kabapu is watching him and thinking "Pfft, what a dumb name. Only an idiot can tell that name is fake, and that nose and moustache is so fake, and believe me I know fake moustaches. My young warriors who are in this tournament do not know the true danger going by. I hope later on they know what's going on. I'm in trouble."

We cut back to Laurence, as he is about to announce the tournament. "Now let's start with the tournament and Round 1 with the first match!"

(Match #1 Foreman from Episode 1 vs. Nabeshin.)

Foreman and Nabeshin face off each other for 5 seconds, then Nabeshin happily says. "Hey Foreman, how's it going?" He quickly responds "Oh nothing much." Nabeshin quickly responds "Oh that's good. How's the wife?" "Oh she's great. Nice hair." "Thank you" And they both laugh at the same time like a Japanese-American comedy scene. Then, the second they stop they both run at each other. Nabeshin yells "Foreman!" Foreman yells "Adrian!" then they punch each other at the same time like a Tomorrow Joe manga. "Wow, old men hurting each other. I this job would suck. But, it has it's fine points." Mikako Hyatt announces.

They both fall to their knees. "Think you smart huh? Well then, take this!" Nabeshin yells as a cannon comes out of his afro. It fires. It blows up the foreman and he screams. As the dust clears, all there is a charred crater. Foreman was blown to smithereens, taking the win for Nabeshin. What did you expect for the director?

(Match #2 Beanboy from episode 11 vs. Dr. Gojo Shioji.)

Beanboy run screaming at Shioji. The end of his long hair changes into a fist. Before the hair punches him, Shioji jumps on Beanboy's hair and runs towards his face. He repeatedly kicks Beanboy's face. Shioji then jumps on Beanboy's hair like a trampoline, then launches into the sky. He goes up so high he reaches the twinkle. Everyone looks up but he doesn't come back. While looking up Beanboy says, "Um, I don't think he's coming back." Then he goes into an action pose and yells, "That means I win!" So Beanboy takes the win.

(Match #3 Good Excel vs. Sandora.)

As Laurence watches in his throne in the stands he thinks "A child, such youth would take so many years to rule the world. This shall be a brilliant match." A minute before the match Sandora says to his opponent "Great to see you again Senorita Excel." Good Excel responds "Actually I'm her good side." Sandora responds, "Well I will still win this match and el tournament to pay for mama." Laurence hears this and he's touched for once, and his tear's flow like waterfalls. "Yes, even I'm not THAT heartless."

The match starts and holds a soccer ball out of nowhere and before he kicks it he yells "Ijo Ohs!" (Note: Ijo Ohs is backwards for Sho Oji. A character on a soccer anime called Ganbare! Kickers.) He kicks it so hard the ball hits Good Excel and pushes her out of the ring giving her a ring out. Giving the win to Sandora. He holds his fist in the air in victory.

(Match #4 Dick from episode 17 vs. Mad Spot from episode 10.)

They both go into fighting poses, and then they stare each other down. Then, the next second their in robes sitting on lawn chairs with martini's. The crowd falls over at this sight. The freaky faced announcer says "What the heck! It appears the fighters have stopped in fighting each other." Both Mad Spot and Dick respond, "We have henchman. We have other people fight each other. Dick's gangsters and the Hounds pop out of nowhere and start shooting each other. After 25 minutes, nothing's changed although 3 of Dick's gangsters were shot and a Hound had his head blown up when a gangster threw a grenade into his mouth.

The crowd is asleep. But, then a Hound throws a mine to an oncoming gangster. He steps on it and it brings a huge crowd-awakening explosion. The dust clears and all that's left is a crater with naked and injured Dick. Mad Spot takes the win.

The Great Will resets the ring and says, "My, that was an extraordinary match." She then realizes something "Oh, now it's my turn it fight. I better get there now." She floats to the ring.

(Match #5 Will of the Macrocosm vs. Tetchan from episode 3.)

Tetchan says to Will, "Will, you may have brought me back to life. But, I will not go easy on you." Will responds, "We'll see." Will floats fast to Tetchan and begins to punch him. But, he grabs her hand and does a Kinnikuman like suplex on her. Then, he tries to pin her. But, Will sucks him in.

Will gets up and floats there for a couple seconds. But, then she starts to wiggle and she holds her stomach like she has tummy ache, if she had a tummy. Then, Tetchan jumps out and yells "Thought you had me there, huh? Now take this, Iron Mask Masher!" He then rolls up into a ball then speeds up like a cannonball. The strength knocks her out of the ring and gives her a ring out. "Oh my" she says as she floats down like paper. Tetchan is the winner.

(Match #6 Cosette vs. Dr. Isafumi.)

The doc runs to Cosette, but before he punches her she pulls out a sniper gun and points at his face. Dr. Isafumi seems worried and says, "Want me to drop out?" She shakes her head yes. The doc then runs out of the ring screaming. Cosette is of course the winner.

(Match #7 Koshi Rikdo vs. Wolf from episode 10.)

The second the match starts Rikdo says "I, Koshi Rikdo hereby give my permission to say that my opponent Wolf does not exist." He then shows his seal to make his permission official. Wolf then starts to disappear from the back feet, until he is officially gone. Koshi Rikdo is the winner.

(Match #8 Watanabe vs. Iwata.)  
  
The freaky faced announcer then yells, "Wow, now this is a match-up. Two roommates who are also enemies are facing each other in the ring!" Kobiyashi responds. "How the hell do you know that?" The announcer responds, "It's in the script." At the ring Watanabe is thinking, "What?! I have to fight Iwata, in the first quarterfinals?! If I lose this match Miss Ayasugi would never have the hots for me, and that moron would be popular." Iwata thinks, "Oh man, Watanabe's my opponent? I've gotta win this. Hey, why is it so echoy inside my head? Row, Row, Row your boat."

The match starts, Watanabe and Iwata both run and scream at each other. They run so fast that they smack into each other and they fall over. Watanabe gets up and says "OK, How about we stop with the friggen running and start fighting?" Iwata responds with a sure. Watanabe does the Wind Tunnel from Inuyasha, while Iwata counters with a Spirit Gun from Yu Yu Hakyusho. Both attacks crash into each other and blow up. Iwata yells, "Hey, you know I can only do once a day!" Watanabe responds "Well, you should have done it later!"

Iwata yells, "That's it! Daitenzin S-Mart Power!" Iwata does a Sailor Moon-like transformation sequence, and transforms into his Daitenzin form, Daiten S-Mart. Watanabe responds, "Well two can play at that game. Daitenzin Mayces Power!" Watanabe also does a Sailor Moon-like transformation sequence, and transforms into Daiten Mayces.

Iwata then attacks with a Best Electron. But, Watanabe yells, "Time for my new attack, Electric Dragons!" His hands go up open in the air and a dragon made out of electricity come out of both hands and attacks the Best Electron and blows it up. The two both then start to repeatedly slap each other. Sumiyoshi, who is watching this in the stands is writing out of his head, "MORONS." Watanabe uses the Gigaton Bazooka. Before, the beam his Iwata, he propels out of the way using a huge fart.

While in the air, he does a cool pose and does a Missile Kick. The minute it hits Watanabe there is a big explosion. The smoke clears and there is a big crater, but Watanabe and Iwata are unharmed. Watanabe laughs and yells at Iwata, "Boy, that sure did hurt me. Not!" Watanabe keeps on laughing and Iwata says, "Hey, I didn't laugh when your attack failed, Hemorrhoid Boy."

Watanabe stops laughing and yells, "What did you call me? I thought you wouldn't tell anyone that!" Iwata responds, "You'd think I'd listen to you, Hemorrhoid?" Watanabe yells, "That's it!" and starts chasing Iwata. Iwata keeps calling Watanabe Hemorrhoid Boy while he chases him in circles like children. An embarrassed Matsuya is watching all of this in the stands and says, "I never thought those two idiots would sink so low." Sumiyoshi responds, "YUP."

Watanabe keeps on chasing Iwata in circles for hours. Everyone even Laurence falls asleep. Both Watanabe and Iwata are both tired. Watanabe says, "Hey, this is starting to suck hugely. How about we have a Janken match and the winner will be the winner of this match?" Iwata agrees and they both say "Jan, Ken, Po." and Watanabe wins with rock beating Iwata's Scissors. Watanabe tiredly says, "I Win."

And they both faint. Watanabe is the winner of the match. And thus ends the first quarterfinals round in Block A. Who are the opponents in Block B, and who will be fighting whom. Find out in the next chapter. Please review.


	4. Block B First Quarter Finals

Last time, the tournament started with a bang! When Nabeshin blew up the foreman. But, it gets better. Beanboy out jumped Dr. Shioji, Sandora goaled Good Excel, Mad Spot out armied Dick, Tetchan kicked Will, Cosette scared Dr. Isafumi, Koshi Rikdo gave his permission on Wolf, and Watanabe beat Iwata with Jaken. Thus completes the first round of Block A. Now is Block B's first round.

Kabapu is the locker room doing blow-drying his gravity-defying hair. He is doing this because his next match is against That Man. "Well, this is It.", He thinks, "I must win this match in order to get closer to my goal." A shot of Ilpalazzo quickly flashes through his head. He drops his hair dryer and clenches the fist that was holding it. "But, I can't let this grudge upset me. I must do this for the sake of protecting the city, and to get a lot endorsements for the young athletes."

That Man is kicking down the door to the locker room as he is walking to the ring. He thinks, "I am-a so going to friggin enjoy this." The freaky faced announcer announced that the Block B first quarterfinals are beginning and the two fighters are approaching. When Kabapu comes out to the ring, Ilpalazzo who is of course disguising himself as his aliases Lawrence Moustache sees this and gasps very dramatically and thinks, "It's him."

(Match #9 Kabapu vs. That Man.)

Kabapu tells That Man, "That Man, just the name sounds so evil and mysterious." That Man responds, "What-a the hell you talkin' about?" Kabapu responds, "Nothing, it's just hard. Hard like my FIST!" He yells as he begins to punch That Man. But, That Man grabs his fist and kicks him without moving any other part of his body. "You-a just-a old man. Why do you think-a you can-a stop-a our organization from-a conquest?" Kabapu responds, "I knew it. You work for his him too, don't you?" That Man laughs and responds, "You-a crazy, he-a works for me." Kabapu responds, "I won't let someone like you to take over, and another thing I'm the only one who talks about how old I am!"

He runs toward him screaming and That Man kick him up in the air the second he gets close to him. That Man jumps up high in the air, grabs his purple scarf, and throws it at him. The scarf ties Kabapu up like an Egyptian mummy and they both drop to the ground of the ring. That Man says as he walks toward the scarf wrapped Kabapu, "Heh Heh Heh, and to-a think you-a the only one-a who-a the only protecting this city. Perhaps it is-a time-a retire, your-a life." He pulls out a long bendy straw. He is planning to drink Kapapu's moisture and mummify him. (Note: That is Kinnikuman's Mr. Kamen finishing attack.)

Everyone in the Department of City Security is shocked as they think their boss is going to be a decrepit mummy. But, before the straw could touch the flesh, Kapapu slices the scarf with his fake moustache like a knife. He jumps out if front of a shocked That Man. Then, does a kick so hard that it knocks That Man out of the ring. Kabapu then says, "Never buy cashmere." Kabapu is the winner.

(Match #10 Excel vs. a Puchuu.)

The puchuu walks toward Excel. The second it says "Puchuu" Excel gets all teary eyed. Then, she kicks it high into the air. She doesn't care how cute it is. It yells in its ugly face, "I thought you loved me!" Excel is the winner.

(Match #11 Menchi vs. Sumiyoshi.)

Menchi is of course trying to win so she can move out of Excel's home and live a lap of luxury. Sumiyoshi wants to win, because he's just Sumiyoshi. The fighters then jump up in the air DBZ style. "Whoa, did you see that?" Watanabe who saw this and asked Iwata, and Iwata responds, "Yeah, total parody." Menchi and Sumiyoshi begin punching each other in the air DBZ style.

Menchi then barks Kamehameha, and then does a kamehameha at Sumiyoshi. It looks like the attack would hit Sumi, but it hits his stomach and he sucks it in and repels it at Menchi. She panics and the attack hits her and falls to the ground. Excel sees this, and yells "MENCHI!" Menchi falls like a comet and there is an explosion the second she hits the ground.

The smoke clears away and an unconscious Menchi lies in a crater. Sumiyoshi is the winner. Excel runs to the ring and grabs Menchi and says to her, "Ah Menchi you lost. But, at least you still have me." Menchi screams and tries to get away. Excel still holds Menchi and walks away. Laurence sees this and says, "Ah, an agent and her emergency food supply, but, enough of that for now. It is time." He pulls up a Big O watch and says, "T-10000, Showtime!" (Note: Dead-on Big O parody.)

A huge door opens out of the ground. A robot comes out. It is none other than the T-10000 robot from episode 14. Laurence thinks, "Although last time the T-10000 was destroyed, it has been rebuilt. And it is bigger, better, not even an elephant can step on it." (Note: Tag line from a Japanese appliance commercial. But, of course you knew that from the 4th DVD Vid-notes.)

The robot rolls out onto the ring. Kabapu then tells Ropponmatsu 1 to go out and fight it. Iwata then yells her name and runs to stop her. Kabapu stops him when he has his fist in the air and having Iwata run into it.

(Match #12 T-10000 vs. Ropponmatsu 1.)

Ropponmatsu's sensors scan the upgraded T-10000 and sense some changes it didn't have last time. She asks Kabapu, "Mr. Kabapu, this T-10000 model has some changes not in its original prototype. Shall I still go at it?" Kabapu responds, "Of course, its not going to destroy itself, will it?" Ropponmatsu responds, "Affirmative." She begins to run Cyborg 009 style.

But, the T-10000 senses her speed and it actually grabs her on top speed. She screams and Iwata goes into the classic screaming painting pose. Watanabe, Matsuya, and Sumiyoshi all hit him with paper fans. The T-10000 then attempts to cut her in half. But, R1 uses her strength to open its claws and she gets out. R1 then tries to get behind it and take apart its power supply. But, the T-10000 uses jetpack on its bottom and gets into the air and grabs her.

The robot falls back onto the ground with Ropponmatsu still in its arms. Thinking quickly she takes out her hand laser cutters and cuts off its arms. She escapes and she attempts to kick off its head. But, a cannon comes out of its head and shoots a metal puchuu at her. It knocks her all the way to the edge of the ring. The robot treads to her. It looks like the end of Ropponmatsu. "What! What do you mean the end of Ropponmatsu?!"

Oh come on Iwata. Its obvious she's going to become scrap. "You Asshole!" What! How dare you call me an asshole! You asshole! "What!" You heard me! "I'll moiderize you!" Ahhhhhhh "Ahhhhhhhhhh" I can scream louder! "Shut up! Iwata stop screaming! Narrator save Ropponmatsu! Got It?!" Yes Watanabe. "Oh fine, I broke my vocal cords anyway."

Anyway, it looks like the end of Ropponmatsu. But, the T-10000 accidentally sees up her skirt and sees her panties. Which is the new T-10000's weakness. For the new model comes with a perverted emotion chip. The robot bends over and tries to look at her panties. Ropponmatsu covers up her skirt. Weird enough, the model also comes with a voice chip.

It says, "You must obey me. You show me your bra and panties now. You do and I shall concede to fight to you." She has no choice but to show her metal undergarments. She takes off her jacket and shirt and pulls up her skirt. "You jerk, how could you give my woman to an emotionless tin can?!" Hey Iwata, shut up it'll get better. Anyway, the T-10000 sees her underclothing and nothing happens. But then..... IT WACKS OFF MAN! I MEAN SPINNING, HOPPING, ROBOTIC SCREAMING, SPARKS EVERYWHERE. IT'S A MADBOT. IT'S GOING TO BLOW, MAN. IT'S GOING TO BLOW! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"Ropponmatsu! You bastard! How could you?! You blew her up! You blew her all up!" Okay, Iwata you can stop. Look. "Huh." Out of the smoke a figure comes out. It is Ropponmatsu. But, the explosion tore of her exo-skin, and shows her Terminator style robo-skeleton. (Note: In fact, the coming out of the smoke thing is a parody of Terminator.)

Ropponmatsu 1 is the winner. There, she's alive she even won. Are you happy now Iwata? "Yes, thank you." Now I understand what you guys go through. "Told Ya.", says everyone from the D.C.S. Will, reset this, time for the next match.

(Match #13 Inchiki from episode 10 vs. Hyatt.)

Hyatt says to Inchiki, "Hello there little doggy." Inchiki rudely responds, "Bite off, grandma." Hyatt responds, "Oh My." Inchiki tell Hyatt, "How about we start this NOW!!" He throws his dice at Hyatt and it goes through her like bullets and kills her. She falls to the ground and Inchiki says, "Well that was easy." But, Hyatt then comes back to life and gets up.

The sight of this scares Inchiki out of his fur. "Impossible. But, I'm a talking dog so I guess nothing is impossible in this show. But, I'll kill anyway!" He throws a grenade at Hyatt and it explodes if front of her. "Heh, that did it." He then says, "What!" Hyatt comes out of the smoke although bleeding a lot still alive. "You're not human, are you?"

Hyatt asks him, "Why did you do that? Huh?" Inchiki has a button and presses it. An explosion comes out and blows him up. Since he'd rather kill himself then fight some creature that would kill him. Hyatt is the winner.

(Match #14 Matsuya vs. Purin from episode 13.)

"Hey, what's this?" What is it Excel Kobiyashi? "This little note says that old Purin-chan would not fight since she's persistently still looking for the old criminals that her old deceased dad looked for." "That means Misaki is the winner!" The freaky faced announcer says before Matsuya hits him. "I don't want people calling me by my first name."  
  
(Match #15 Bad Excel vs. Pedro.)

Pedro begins running to Bad Excel and yell, "You pathetic midget version of Miss Excel! Pedro shall stomp on your entire body and win this tournament for my sexy wife and son! Take this!" Before Pedro could punch her. Bad Excel uses her pitchfork of Pedro's foot. Pedro screams and Bad Excel head butts Pedro's chest. And flies into the air yelling "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Bad Excel says, "I win." But the says, "What the hell?"

She says that because Pedro is falling from the sky and he lands on Bad Excel. That counts as a pin. Pedro is on her longer than 3 seconds. Pedro is the Winner.

(Match #16 Aesop from episode 11 vs. Terrorist Leader from episode 9.)

Aesop tells the terrorist leader, "I've heard of you. I don't trust bowling addicts like you. I don't even trust bowling. Baseball is the only sport." T.L. responds, "Shut up, tall head. If you think baseball is the only good sport you're mad. Bowling is the only thing that matters. It matters more than my own life itself. Wait, bowling is my life!"

"Shut UUUPP!" Aesop repeatedly throws a storm of baseballs at the leader. But, counters with a giant pin used like a kendo stick. He runs out of balls and the leader says; "Now it's my turn, Sadahara wannabe." He uses his giant, spiked ball and uses it to try and kill Aesop. But, when it looks like it will hit him, Aesop jumps and dodges it.

The ball comes out of the ring and keeps on rolling. "NOOOO, My ball!" The leader runs after his bowling ball. So long he runs out of the ring and forfeits the match. Aesop says, "When will the world know that bowling will someday bring the Sportspocalypse." Aesop is the winner. This brings the end of Block B first quarterfinals. The next chapter shall show Block A's second quarterfinals. Who will are winners fight next? Find out next time. Please Review.


	5. Block A Second Quarter Finals

Last time, a fierce war went all out in the first quarterfinals in Block B. Now, we go to the second quarterfinals in Block A. The winners last time were Nabeshin, Beanboy, Mad Spot, Sandora, Koshi Rikdo, Tetchan, Cosette, and Watanabe. Who will they fight this time? Find out RIGHT NOW.

(Match #17 Nabeshin vs. the channeler from episode 7.)

Remember, this time the channeler is free from Pedro's ghost. But, for obvious reasons he can't talk. Nabeshin laughs like a madman and says, "Hey, old man. Careful not to shatter a hip." And laughs again. But, the channeler raises his hand and shoots an energy blast at Nabe.

He stops laughing and blocks it with his afro. It bounces like a ball and pops. "All right pal. Nabe's takin' no prisoners." He says as he runs toward the channeler. But, he takes his wand and transforms it into a Shaman King-ish Amidamaru furyokou sword. He swings it at Nabeshin.

All it does is slices his pants and they fall down. It reveals he's wearing Menchi boxers. Everyone is laughing at him. He yells at the channeler, "Do you realize what this does to my rep? Time to die!" A rope comes out of his afro and yanks the canneler's wand out of his hand. Nabeshin grabs the wand and breaks it.

The channeler screams and explodes in an explosion of spiritual energy. Nabe just broke his only source of power. So he's the winner. Now, Laurence a.k.a. Lord Ilpalazzo pulls out a switch and presses the button. The ring then flips over into a sumo ring. Beanboy comes out in a sumo wrestling underwear. So does his opponent, a fat Puchuu.

(Match #18 Beanboy vs. a Sumo Puchuu.)

Aesop looks at Beanboy, as he is putting salt on the ring with his tall hair. He thinks, "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, he's not good at sumo, Sadahara Oh boy." (Note: Sadahara Oh is a top Japanese baseball player for his home runs.) Beanboy and the Puchuu run toward each and try to push the other out of the ring. Beanboy grabs the Puchuu's sumowear and holds him up in the air.

He tries to throw him out of the ring. But, the weight of the puchuu holds him down and he falls on him. The puchuu then grabs Beanboy's hair and swings him round and round then throws him out of the ring and into the air. The sumo puchuu is the winner. Aesop has a temper tantrum yelling, "I knew he would lose!" over and over again. The ring goes back to normal for the next match.

(Match #19 Sandora vs. Black Knight.)  
  
Black Knight is a new character folks. He is a person in a black suit of armor with a helmet on to keep his identity, so get ready. Black Knight raises his sword at Sandora and begins to attack him. Pedro who is watching this yells, "Sandora NOOOOOOOOO!" Sandora doesn't move as Black Knight runs toward him. The second Black Knight raises his sword to attack little Sandora.....

Sandora kicks Black Knight in the crotch. Black Knight says as he falls, "Oh, right in the round tables." Sandora begins to hit Black Knight with his soccer ball. But, Black Knight gets up on his knees and says, "No, no wait. I was just doing for a little extra cash." He takes off his helmet. But, he is not man he is puchuu. He has an ugly face since he got kicked in the space nuts.

He says, "I'm sorry, I'll just leave you alone." He pops out of his armor and has a normal puchuu body. Not, a human body like he should to move in his suit. But, of course this is Excel Saga. He walks away as a confused Sandora watches. Sandora is the winner.

(March #20 Mad Spot vs. Big Brother from episode 12.)

Big Brother gets in a kung-fu pose. But, Mad Spot barks and Big Brother screams and runs away yelling, "I hate mad dogs!" Big Brother gets a ring out. Mad Spot is the winner.

(Match #21 Tetchan vs. a monkey from episode 11.)

The monkey walks toward and offers Tetchan a banana. Tetchan says, "Oh, thank you." He grabs it and starts to peel it. But, he turns it around to point it at the monkey. He peels it and a laser gun comes out of the peel and shoots a laser that was meant for Tetchan. But, instead it shoots at the monkey. The monkey screeches as he is vaporized. All there is a smoldering crater. Will resets the ring and Tetchan is the winner.

(Match #22 A terrorist from episode 9 vs. Cosette.)

The terrorist pulls out his ball and bowls it at Cosette. She pulls out a handgun and shoots the ball again and again until it cracks into tiny pieces. But, she runs out of bullets. All there's left is a huge chunk and it hits her in the face and knocks her out. "I win." The terrorist says. Like he said he's the winner.

(Match #23 Momiji vs. Koshi Rikdo.)

Koshi Rikdo begins to give his permission like last time. Even though her expression doesn't change, Momiji throws a dagger at Rikdo's seal. The dagger hits the seal all the way to wall and sticks it there. "Alright, now the nail is on the other hand now." Koshi Rikdo says as he begins to run toward Momiji. He begins to punch her. But, Momiji jumps up and lands on his arm. Her face doesn't change.

Koshi is shocked. But, he drops his arm. But, for some reason she is still up in the air. Koshi is double-shocked. But, what's even more shocking, she not even real. She's a cardboard cutout that falls over onto the ground. Koshi is triple-shocked. But, he's the winner I guess.

(Match #24 Watanabe vs. Space Butler from episode 2.)

Before the match starts Watanabe asks Space Butler, "So are you some butler....from space? Cause that's your name right?" Space Butler responds, "Indeed." Watanabe thinks to himself, "What the hell is JC Staff thinking?" Just then Space Butler shoots a laser from a Cyborg 009 gun at Watanabe. But, Watanabe puts up a trash can lid from out of nowhere. The laser bounces off of the lid and hits Space Butler. He gets vaporized and Watanabe wins.

"Huh, that was friggen easy." He says. It's easy now Watanabe. But, the opponents will get tougher. Speaking of which, who will Excel fight next? Find out in the next chapter featuring Block B's second quarterfinals. Please review.


	6. Block B Second Quarter Finals

When we last left the ES crew, Block A's second quarterfinals started the beginning of a war. What will Block B bring today? We will start with Kabapu's second match. Laurence who is of course Lord Illpalazzo has brought an opponent that has made him 100 unbeatable to Kabapu. Kabapu is watching a gargantuan iron box being carried by a group of puchuu's. The box has stopped on the ring and the puchuu use drills to take out the screws; the walls fall down and there is a huge crate and a puchuu uses a crowbar to take down the front. Inside is a block of ice; they take it out and one cracks it apart with a pickaxe.

Inside is another crate; a puchuu takes the top open with the same pickaxe. The group takes out the barrel inside and places it on the ground. A puchuu drills out the screws and takes off the top. A bag is inside and opens it; inside it is Excel's hand carved dummy. He is Kabapu's next opponent. "You're kidding aren't you?" Nope "You mean I have to fight that?" Yup "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Then This will be easy. Especially someone at my age."

(Match #25 Kabapu vs. a dummy.)

He walks toward the dummy and all seems normal. But, then the dummy starts beating up Kaba. It's so violent we can't see I can't tell you about it. Just listen to the screams. "Ow why ow are you oh ow doing oh damn ow you doing this oh to me? No, not my legs! AHHHHHHHHH!" Kabapu is being taken away on a stretcher. Thy dummy is the winner.

(Match#26 Excel vs. the Demon Sergeant from episode 3.)

The demon sergeant holds out a bazooka and blasts a missile at Excel. "Uh oh Excel in tight fix. Take this." She holds out a giant tennis racket and repels the missile by hitting it in a Prince of Tennis outfit. The missile goes up in the sky and heads toward a spaceship. The aliens look like Predators and they say as the missiles about to hit them, "Uh that's not good." It blows up and they die, not very good last words right?

Back on earth the demon sergeant thinks, "Grrrrr clever. But, not clever enough!" He throws a stone fist at Excel. She counters by hitting it with a baseball bat. The fist heads back toward the demon sergeant and hits him in the face and making him scream. "Yeah Excel wins!" "I don't think so." The demon sergeant responds. He gets up and almost looks normal. Because that fist broke half his face and reveals that his face is a mask. His real face is hideous. "AHHHHHHHHH What the hell happened to you?!" Excel asks the demon sergeant.

"Heh Heh Heh Foolish girl. For a female you're a complete moron. Why do you think they call me the DEMON sergeant?!" Huge wings come out of his body and his entire body breaks open and a huge demon comes out. It is a huge demon 3 times Excel's size with tentacle for legs, huge hands with razor-sharp soul-sucking fingers, huge wings of course, and a horrible head with 4 rows of razor sharp teeth. "Now you will die!" he says in a huge demon voice.

Excel is so scared a river of pee comes out of her rear end like all females. "How could you do this to me Mr. Writer?!" Because, you're the heroene moron! Use you comedy anime main-character powers. Don't you want to impress Lord Illpalazzo? "Gasp you're right! All right fiend, prepare to be destroyed-ish!" That the spirit! Quick use attack CC. She starts shooting at the demon in a Chrono Crusade Rosette Christopher outfit. But, the bullets bounce off of him. That didn't work, quick use attack YYH.

She starts attacking him with a spirit gun in a Yuske outfit. The demon swallows the blast and absorbs it. "It's not working!" Excel I did all I could it's up to you now. Maybe you should do your own non-parody thing. "You're right. Thank you for helping me Mr. Writer! All right demon, you have totally pissed Excel off big time! So prepare to be destroyed!" She pulls out some sort of magical object and yells, "Koshi Prism Power!"

She transforms in a senshi style transformation. She transforms into Excel Mask from episode 20. "All right, you un-bodacious monster. Prepare to be destroyed!" "You pathetic girl do you really think you can parody the power to destroy me? Think again!" the demon sergeant responds as blows his sulfur breath at Mask. But, Excel Mask then creates a shield of love and kindness and she survives the attack.

The demon sergeant then begins to grab Excel Mask. But, she throws flower daggers at his hands. The daggers hit his hands and his entire hands are covered in flowers. He screams in pain. Excel Mask then says, "You have caused enough harm demon. Now I shall stop you once and for all! Heart Protection Beam!" She holds out her hands and a huge beam in the shape of a heart comes out. The beam heads toward his chest and hits it.

The demon sergeant screams in complete pain. The beam goes through his chest and the demon sergeant explodes in an explosion of goodness. The demon sergeant is no more. Excel is the winner. She leaps in joy for her victory and thinks, "My dear Lord Ilpalazzo. Excel has succeeded once again and is one step closer to my beautiful goal." She turns back to normal.

(Match #27 Sumiyoshi vs. Takimochi from episode 10.)

Sumiyoshi sees him and "Says", "OY MORE DOGS." Takimochi gets out a huge paper fan and tries to whack Sumiyoshi with it. But, Sumiyoshi grabs it with both his hands and stops it. He then carries the fan out of the ring with Takimochi still holding it. He then puts Takimochi out of the ring. Which means he's disqualified. Sumiyoshi is the winner.

(Match #28 Ropponmatsu 1 vs. Ropponmatsu 2.)

Kabapu who is watching this in his a full body cast thinks, "Hmmm, I may have lost. But, one out my two Ropponmatsu's will be lucky enough to stop the ongoing danger. So personally, I don't know who to root for." Back at the ring Ropponmatsu 2 says to Ropponmatsu 1, "Hey big sister, I'm going to turn you into tin." R1 responds, "Such inappropriate language does not intersect my database. You shall be punished." She goes hyper speed as runs toward R2.

But R2 pushes her left breast and a shield comes on and blocks R2 from R1 punching her. R2 then says, "Sorry sister, but I know you used my oil hairspray without asking, so take this!" She hold out her hands and an energy balls comes out and blows up R1. Don't worry she can be rebuilt. R2 is the winner.

(Match #29 Hyatt vs. the old man from episode 10 and 19.)

Hyatt says to the old man, "Oh my, you poor human. So decrepit." The old man responds, "Looks aren't anything my blue haired child." He bursts open out of his shirt and reveals his rebuilt body. "Hyatt didn't see that coming." She says. A cannon comes out and begins to shoot his stomach beam.

But, Hyatt then gets all-dizzy. Then, coughs up a huge wave of blood. The old man is covered in blood. His electronic mechanisms go haywire. His body explodes and he screams while he dies. All that's left is a crater. The ring is resetted and Hyatt is the winner.

Matsuya is on the ring for the next match. A group of Puchuu's is carrying a huge stone throne. On the throne is the Puchuu Queen from episode 7. Two Puchuu's is waving huge fans at their queen. "What do you think you're doing?!" Oh we are not doing this Iwata. "Oh we're doing this! Now write her out of here before she's devoured! Or I'll give this story a bad review!" Oh fine. Matsuya disappears and is at the roof of the J.C. Staff building. She looks around and yells, "IIIWWWATAAAAA!" O.K. Puchuu Queen is the winner.

(Match #30 Pedro vs. Little Brother from episode 12.)

I don't know how this is going to work out. So how about we jump cut to the end. Pedro has Little Brother in a head lock with a shark on his legs. Little Brother screams in pain. Little Brother yells, "Uncle, Uncle!" Pedro is the winner.

(Match #31 Aesop vs. Antonio from episode 6.)

Aesop laughs and says, "How will you fight me as a cripple?" Antonio holds up his cane and lights up like a light saber. "Ok that how." Aesop says. Antonio levitates for no reason and flies toward Aesop. Aesop stares at him and doesn't do anything but before Antonio gets Aesop. Aesop moves to the side and Antonio flies out of the ring and crashes. Antonio gets a ring out.

Aesop is the winner. Well that's it for the second quarterfinals of Block B. Next chapter is the final quarterfinals for Block A. Will Nabeshin overcome the Sumo Puchuu? Find out next time. Please Review.


	7. Block A Third Quarter Finals

Last time, Excel continued winning in the tourney by defeating the Demon Sergeant. What will Nabeshin and the other people in Block A do to win this tournament? Will Nabe defeat the sumo puchuu? Find out next time, which is right now.

Nabeshin is in the ring sleeping upside down on his afro. He then wakes up when he sees the sumo puchuu coming in on puchuu's. Which they are holding hands and together they're in the shape of a throne. The throne stops in front of the ring and he steps out and walks into it. Nabeshin tells the puchuu, "Hey dough boy, I'm a master of 24 different types of Jujitsu and a 8 time Tai Chi champion. So get ready fat ass. Heh Heh I mean really fat ass."

(Match #32 Nabeshin vs. Sumo Puchuu.)

The sumo puchuu stomps toward our afroed director. He tries to squash him with his belly. Nabe takes out a squirt gun out of his afro and squirts in the sumo puchuu's mouth. The puchuu then looses a lot of weight and shrinks into a small puchuu. "That gun was full of diet shake, extra strength." Nabeshin says to the puchuu before the puchuu runs away. Nabeshin is the winner.

(Match #33 Sandora vs. Mad Spot.)

With the way I can get in trouble with child abuse and Pedro's non-stop whining. Let's have Will change everything and replace Sandora with an Astro Boy romando. Mad Spot walks up toward the toy and smashes it. Mad Spot is the winner.

(Match #34 Tetchan vs. Terrorist.)

The terrorist begins to bowl Tetchan with a black bowling ball. But, he lays on the ground and uses his mask like a helmet. Tetchan then grabs the ball and throws it in a baseball pitch. The ball flies toward the terrorist's face and he screams. The ball hits his face and breaks it. It kills him of course. So Tetchan is the winner.

(Match #35 Koshi Rikdo vs. Watanabe.)

"Gasp, the great creator! I am so honored to be at your feet I want to lick them." Watanabe says as he bows at Koshi Rikdo "Please Riku-chan I will do anything if you will give me permission at anything I want." Watanabe says to Koshi. Koshi Rikdo responds, "What is it do you wish young one?"

Watanabe responds, "There is this girl I adore. But, she doesn't adore me back. Please give your permission to have her like me." Koshi thinks long and deep. Then, tells Watanabe, "Hell no." Watanabe screams so loud that he breaks the world in half. He faints and Koshi pins him for 3 seconds. Watanabe is disqualified so Koshi Rikdo is the winner.

This brings the end of the 3rd quarterfinals of Block A. Will Nabeshin make it to the finals? Will Excel make it to the finals? Find out in the next chapter with the 3rd quarterfinals for Block B. Please review.


	8. Block B Third Quarterfinals

When we last left the Block A fighters. Nabeshin did a powerful defeat to the sumo puchuu. Watanabe had a panic attack. Now it's time for the third quarterfinals for Block B. Starting out with....

(Match #36 Excel vs. her wooden dummy.)

As you know Excel got here by defeating a puchuu and the demon sergeant. The dummy got here by defeating Kabapu. Will she defeat the thing that she created? Well now it's time to fight. Excel runs toward the dummy and stops in front of it. She then gets in a scary mood and pulls out a huge knife.

She then tries to stab the dummy with it. But, as it's almost hits it, the dummy grabs it. "Excel did not see that happening." She says and he tries to get it out of his hand. But, the dummy holds onto it tight. Excel says, "Boy this guy is my own personal Frankenstein! But, Excel can't understand how it can do it without fingers! But, of course this is my show representing myself, which is a female manic! Excel wonder who the hell came up with this stuff!"

She then kicks the dummy in the crotch and it lets go. She drops onto the ground then gets up on her feet. She then crawls over to the dummy then she repeatedly stabs the dummy with the knife. She chops and chops and chops until the dummy is nothing but chunks of wood. She breathes for air then licks her knife before she throws it onto the ground. Excel is the winner.

(Match #37 Sumiyoshi vs. Ropponmatsu 2.)

The match begins with Sumiyoshi 'saying', "CLUB." He grabs the word he produced and tries to hit with it. He swings it around until he throws it up into the air and it falls onto his face. He gets knocked out. Ropponmatsu pins him for 3 seconds and wins. "Yay, Yay I won, I won!" Okay, okay time for the next match.

(Match #38 Hyatt vs. the Puchuu Queen.)

The Puchuu queen takes two giant steps toward Hyatt. It looks like it's about to eat her. But, then it grabs and hugs her. It hugs her so tight that she spits up a lot of blood. The puchuu queen acts like it's her mother. It then lets go of her then steps out of the ring. That gives her a ring out, so Hyatt wins.

(Match #39 Pedro vs. Aesop.)

Aesop grabs a huge bat of mid air and tries to hit Pedro. He screams like a wussy and dodges the attacks. He is crying so much that his tears flood the arena and floods Aesop out of the ring thus giving him a ring out. Pedro is the winner.

Well that does it all for this chapter. Next chapter is Block A and B final quarterfinal. The final 8 contestants are Excel, Pedro, Nabeshin, Tetchan, Ropponmatsu 2, Hyatt, Koshi Rikdo, and Mad Spot. Who will defeat each other and head toward the final? Find out next time. Please Review.


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